Step One: Introspection on Health Mistakes

I am obese and my health is teetering on the cliff to the oblivion of ill-health with Type II Diabetes and all its symptoms. I need to prevent this from becoming permanent. Therefore, taking care of this one thing that is truly mine – my body – is my responsibility.

My becoming obese was due to a combination of factors including irresponsibility, laziness, hormonal havoc, and stress due to hospitalization. Now that I have regained control of this chariot called life, I have decided that I have to do every thing I can to possibly make it healthy and happy.

I initially tried group workout classes – Zumba, simple weight exercises, yoga, etc. But I noticed one thing, like a child with an open cookie jar and no parent to monitor them, my tendency to slip and imbibe in junk won over. Luckily, the workouts countered my idiocy and I did not gain any weight – but, I did not lose any, either.

It has been a year, with a background in medical research I am well aware that Type II Diabetes can go into remission when it occurs as a consequence of insulin resistance due to obesity. Having a metabolic disease like diabetes in your 20s with a fully functioning pancreas is a disservice to one’s body – especially when it is a consequence of overindulgence and gluttony. What makes it worse is my craving control is hanging on by a thread which is threatening to snap.

Some things here:

1. Robert Lustig’s hypothesis about junk’s empty calories making us want to come back for more like an addict has some merit – especially during periods of stress which are more frequent than not these days.
2. I love food and I need to learn how to redirect that love to better foods and wider cuisines not desecrated versions of the same. An Italian pizza is not the same as those sold by chains.
3. Developing a healthy relationship with food is not as simple as avoiding it. It also means actively working on my mental health.

The third point cuts especially deep as I know that working on my mental health means acknowledging a lot of fears and confronting them head on. But, if I won’t let them pass, they will consume me even more than they already have. I have been trapped in a vicious cycle of avoidance due to fear of success – a path that has led to me to failure and poor mental health; feeding into even more stress and on it goes again. I lost my hobbies, my attention span, and even my already small amount of patience to this monster. Now it is ready to consume my physical health as well. It is time that I won’t let it control me. I only have some confidence left in me. I won’t let it snatch that away.