I wrote a rather long post on introspection two months ago. I am proud to say it has culminated into action. It is not simple. It is hard. And yes, I fumbled, and I still am fumbling – I am writing this post right after I devoured a slice of red velvet cake.
The fumbling, I noticed has helped me be sane and true to myself. It is like a pitcher of cool and sugary lemonade while I take the arduous path through the desert of discipline, personal training and weekly leg days.
To admit having made a mistake, especially as an adult, is very difficult. Because it is like taking a gut punch to your ego. You have grown up. Mistakes and rectification should now not be your domain. You are not a child and being told off like you are one – is not nice. Trust me, it is not. While it should be humbling, the experience of being told off because you are not taking care of yourself is humiliating.
I was 112 kilos when I had written the last post. Now I am a 105. Do not get me wrong, it is something that makes me squeal with excitement. I am thankful to my trainer for listening to me yell at him every time I complained and still say “You can do it”. My glucometer is equally as thankful – My diabetes has gone down to prediabetes. But the road is still rocky and bloody hard. Because at my healthiest? I was 64 kilograms in weight.
I am not indulging in junk, now (mostly). But I did cheat quite a bit in the beginning. But instead of scolding myself, I reassured myself – It is okay. That positivity helped me. And so did a lot of cooking that I did myself. I am a good cook, no shame in admitting that. And tasting food chain “food” after eating freshly tempered dal with roti? Not fun. The contrast helped me reduce cheating and develop a meaningful relationship with food. I still eat from good bakeries and outlets known for making good food once or twice a week. That makes it feel less mundane and guilt-free. Gives me a break as well.
The work in the gym? 90 minutes a day, 6 days a week. I only take Sundays off. I need to do this, and I will do it. It is bloody hard. It is painful and I cursed like a longshoreman in the beginning; but I still did it. My muscles felt stiff. I walked like I was C3PO after my first ever leg day. But I put in the work. I was not doing it for aesthetics (though it is a bonus) or hitting on a fellow gym goer, I was and am doing it because my A1C numbers say “Shame on you” to me. I am doing it because now I can jog on the treadmill for 3 minutes straight without huffing and puffing – It makes me feel bloody good. I am doing it because good food makes me go – “Wow!” and I do not want to trade that experience for anything anymore. So today, as I am 7 kilos lighter, I am charting a course to 99 – to double digits first – because smaller and meaningful goals are more attainable and in the long run… I will be happier.
The Scientist's Corner 